4:07 AM


Well hello there. It's 3:28 AM in the morning, a few more hours for sahur. Can't sleep.

Last year, moving into 2014, I posted up a sheet up my bedroom wall of goals I want to achieve in 2014.

1. To properly recite Al-fatihah. 

A friend of mine mentioned that in Solat, if you do not properly recite, your Solat will not be received or claimed as Sah. I do try my hardest to remember to recite with proper tajweed but old habits die hard. Practice practice practice

2. To wake up for Subuh

They say "you are not strong enough if you can't lift your blanket for Subuh" . It is so true. It is still up to now the biggest challenge I face everyday. It is also a WIP goal.

To each and every one of us, I'm sure there are certain flaws that you want to fix, be better at. It might be trying to keep the hijab on, not to swear too much, to dress modestly. It could be just about anything.

Personally, when I decided to change to be better, I believe that my solat was the key, it is after-all the tunggak, the pillar. If done and done correctly, I believe everything will fall into place. Your manners, your speech, your dressing and the rest.

By right, I should be focusing on improving on everything. Maybe I am making an excuse, defending myself but it is difficult and I rather focus on one thing at a time making it right and taking baby steps. Being overwhelmed by the only one you should be devoted to is not what you want. It is a learning process for me and I want to digest it slowly. Of course, I need to work harder.

What I do feel like I have changed the most out of this new experience is my temper and my choice of conversations. I had such terrible temper. Kept it bottled inside me to please others and just snap at people at home or alone in the room, I was a mess. And I used to talk about people so much. You don't realise it because conversations about other people in general is well all you talk about since forever so naturally talking bad about them with your friends, making fun judging them becomes the norm.

But Alhamdulillah, I find that I control my emotions better. I am more patient and my tolerance for poor behaviour from other people is high. I think a lot now before I say something. I listen more than I speak. I am more reserved now, I don't really share problems so much with people. And it is not me trying to be an introvert, it is just avoiding opening up conversations talking about other people when clearly I don't have the right to.

This is not a vast improvement obviously, a minor one but I like it. I like this change, a lot.

Have a good Sahur everyone or a very good morning!

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